Different Ages, Different Rules?

Although the idea of having different rules in your household for your children who are different ages might seem self-evident, the actual implementation of those rules can be troublesome. Any parent who has tried, for example, to institute an earlier bedtime for their 6 year old when they have an 8 year old who stays up later will have heard the popular refrain "It's not fair!" more than once. In fact, the uprising that can occur when younger ones rebel often causes parents to crumble, allowing their younger children to have more flexible, lax or lenient rules than the ones they had originally conceived of for their older kids. But is this a good idea? Should children one, two, three or more years apart in age have different rules or not? And how can parents handle the "it's not fair" chorus that inevitably arises in households with more than one child?

When deciding whether the rules should be the same or different for different aged children, parents can effectively use the following guideline:

"The more responsibility you take, the more privileges you earn."

Thus, as children get older and take on more responsibilities -- like chores, homework, scheduling demands, travel, etc. -- more privileges should be given to them: amount of television allowed, later bedtime, and more allowance being a few of the privileges around which rules are often developed. Let's see how this looks in two real life situations:

Sarah has two children. Matthew is 10 and Lucy is 7. Lucy's bedtime is 7:30 p.m. Matthew's bedtime is 9:00 p.m. Recently, Lucy has been getting out of bed after lights out, complaining that the family is having "family time" without her, and that it's not fair because she feels left out. Understandably, Sarah feels torn. It's true that between 7:30 and 9:00 she and Matthew often read together, play games or talk, and she can see how Lucy might feel left out. At the same time, when Matthew was 7 he had to go to bed at 7:30. So to allow Sarah to stay up later would be unfair to him. She's considering perhaps not interacting with Matthew during that time so that Lucy will feel better.

Peter and Miriam have a similar problem. Their eldest child, Jonathan, is 12 years old and their youngest child, Sam is 9. Sam has been complaining that Jonathan gets more allowance than he does, and that it's not fair because when they go on vacation Jonathan always has more money to spend on souvenirs even though he wasn't as conscientious about saving his money as Sam was. Peter and Miriam are conflicted about what to do. They want Sam to reap the benefits of having saved his money, yet Jonathan does have more expenses (he's required to pay for lunches out during the school year) than Sam. They're considering raising Sam's allowance, even though he's getting the exact amount Jonathan did at that age.

Both of these families would benefit from the more responsibility = more privileges guideline.

In Sarah's case, her son Matthew