Rebuilding A Relationship That's Hit Rock Bottom

A mother sat in my office the other day, telling me about her preadolescent son. He was surly, she said, and when he spoke to her it was with a great deal of eye rolling and nasty comments. He refused to pick up his clothes, and his simple chores of taking out the trash and setting the table were never done properly. Even when she approached him to ask a question about something he wanted - such as when he would like to leave for soccer practice, he would snap at her, they'd invariably get into an argument, and he'd wind up saying something like "Never mind, I don't want to go anyway, you're impossible." As Mom talked, it was evident that not only was she at her wits end with her son, but also that their relationship was at rock bottom.

Stephen R. Covey, in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Families" has a wonderful analogy about the parent-child relationship. He says that between parent and child there is something he calls an "Emotional Bank Account." When we interact with our children it either makes a deposit into our emotional bank account with them, or it makes a withdrawal from that account.