The Family Blueprint
Creating a blueprint for your family to follow means engaging in a series of family discussions where your values, morals and beliefs are put into words. These words become the substance of the blueprint, which then serves as a guideline for each family member's behavior, choices, and treatment of one another. Because each member of the family subscribes to the plan, they stop operating as individuals with a "me first" mentality and instead operate as a whole. In addition, they internalize a sense of belonging to something larger than themselves. Stephen R. Covey, in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Families" suggests that you might want to think of this blueprint as being similar to the flight plan pilots use to navigate. In order to get from one state to another, a pilot must have guidelines to follow. Once in flight, it's possible that because of weather or unforeseen circumstances the captain might have to deviate slightly from the plan. However, the plan is clear, open to change if necessary and spells out both the destination of the airplane as well as providing guidelines for getting to that destination. In our families, knowing what our destination is, why our family exists, and what its purpose is, are essential to the family's very existence.
In order for your family blueprint to succeed, each member of the family must participate in your discussions. This means setting aside a time when you can all gather that's relatively free from stress. Pick a day or evening when the children don't have homework, and when no one has to rush off for an appointment or social engagement. Even very young children should be included in this discussion time. The very act of listening to other members of the family discuss what guidelines the family will follow will convey the idea that the family is important and that you take it seriously enough to have these kinds of discussions. As your child approaches age four or five, you will find that he can participate in a meaningful way. On the other hand, if you have teens who might be apprehensive about this process, or may refuse to participate outright, hold the meeting with the other members of your family in a place and during a time when the teen can listen in. You'll be surprised at how they'll get drawn into the discussion in spite of themselves!
Be sure to have pencil and paper handy (or your laptop!) so that once your family has gathered, you can take down the various answers to the questions that you'll be asking them to answer. Writing down each person's answers is crucial in many respects. First, it helps the members of your family feel as though they're being taken seriously. Second, it encourages each member to "buy in to" the final plan because their answers have been a part of it. Third, the answers you write down will be your points of reference in writing up a more concise statement to which the family later agrees.
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