Respect Your Elders

In today's society, and at younger and younger ages, people are increasingly horrified by the rude attitude and foul language used by young people of all ages. From the five year old who defiantly puts her hands on her hips, lifts one eyebrow and declares to her mother "You're stupid, and I don't have to do what you say" to the four letter words that erupt from the mouths of teenagers, lack of respect for one's elders appears to be increasingly prevalent. How then do we engage (or even demand) the respect of our children? And how do we encourage them to show respect to others as well?

A wise man once said "Respect is something you have to have in order to get." Let's take a look at what, exactly, that phrase means and how we, as parents, can put it to practical use in order to garner respect and improve our relationship with our children.

First of all, is that phrase even true? To see, try this exercise: Think for a moment about the people in your life with whom you have a relationship and for whom you have the most respect - not "grudging respect" but honest "wow, that person is amazing" respect. You will probably find that they are people who have shown you respect as well. That the feeling is mutual. Respect begets respect. The one who is respected is the one who has acted in respectful ways towards you and others.

This same principle is true of our children. However, before we mistakenly jump to false conclusions, it's important to be clear about what respect does not mean before we can discover its practical applications. Respect does not mean allowing your children to get away with misbehavior. Respecting them is not about becoming permissive or even about understanding their feelings to the degree that you let them get away with murder. In fact, children learn to respect their parents not only when they are treated respectfully by them, but also when parents are clear about the limits they set with children and enforce those limits in a firm and loving way. Children feel respect for parents who know and care about the job of parenting. However, if parents expect to win the respect of their children solely through the setting of limits, they stand to be disappointed. Time after time, it is the children who have been given the combination of respect and limits who are the most respectful towards others in society.

So, how can we make this practical? What are the things that parents can do to feel respectful towards their children and to communicate that respect on a daily basis?

If you need to work on feeling more respectful towards your children, try the following:

* Separate who your child is from his behavior. Even when your child misbehaves, understand that he is always a human being and as such deserves respect even if his behavior requires that you discipline him.

* Make a list of your child's strengths. Avoid naming the things