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Sibling Rivalry
Tired of arguing? Actions speak louder than words. Teach them to cooperate and not to compete.
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Avoiding Power Struggles
By:
Julie Ross, M.A.
<p style="text-align: justify;"><span class="ArticleBody">There isn't a parent in the world who hasn't, at one time or another, found themselves locked in mortal combat with a child, struggling for power. From the minute a child can pronounce the word "no" straight through and including adulthood, parents find the notion of power -- what kind, how much, and when to give it -- a frustrating and sometimes overwhelming challenge. </span></p> <p>When our children are infants power is not an issue. For one thing, they can't talk back, for another they are so small that we easily dominate them. We, the parents, have the power in the relationship. No ifs, ands or buts. Or do we have the power? </p> <p>Who determines when the infant eats, who has the power there? Well, the infant. How about who determines when the infant sleeps? Who has the power there? Again, the infant. Who determines when the infant plays or is picked up? At least for the infants whose parents are trying to be attuned to their baby's needs, again the answer would be...the infant. Maybe the reason that parents think they have the power when their children are infants is because it seems so natural. Maybe it's simply the STRUGGLE for power that doesn't exist at that stage. It seems natural that we should feed the baby when he's hungry, let her sleep when she's tired, play with him or pick him up when he cries. And when things seem natural, there is a give and take, a flow of power that shifts back and forth between parent and baby. </p> <p>Then, the infant becomes a toddler. They're still small enough for us to dominate them physically, but suddenly they're mobile -- and FAST! For their safety, limits must be set. Those limits are generally set with the word "no". Who has the power when the word "no" is used? Well, the user. In this case, the adult. "No, honey, don't touch that." "Hey, get out of there, that's a no-no." "I said 'no!'" Powerful statements using powerful words. Mom or Dad have the power. The "flow" of power that felt so natural during infancy disappears. </p><div class="item-list"><ul class="pager"><li class="pager-current first">1</li> <li class="pager-item"><a href="/node/66?page=2" title="Go to page 2" class="active">2</a></li> <li class="pager-item"><a href="/node/66?page=3" title="Go to page 3" class="active">3</a></li> <li class="pager-item"><a href="/node/66?page=4" title="Go to page 4" class="active">4</a></li> <li class="pager-next"><a href="/node/66?page=2" title="Go to next page" class="active">next ›</a></li> <li class="pager-last last"><a href="/node/66?page=4" title="Go to last page" class="active">last »</a></li> </ul></div></div> <div class="clear-block clear"></div> </div> </div><!-- /inner-content --> </div><!-- /squeeze-content --> </div><!-- /squeeze --> </div><!-- /main --> <div id="sidebar-right"> <div class="block block-block" id="block-block-6"> <div class="content"><p style="text-align: left;"><a class="picture" href="http://www.shezoom.com/julierossnewsletter" target="_blank"><img src="../files/images/shezoomlogo2.jpg" alt="Signup for Julie Ross's free video newsletter" width="150" height="173" /></a></p> </div> </div> <div class="block block-block" id="block-block-4"> <div class="content"><p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0071545891?ie=UTF8&tag=parentinghori-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0071545891"><img src="../files/images/porcupine100X150.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0312141130?ie=UTF8&tag=parentinghori-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0312141130"><img src="../files/images/jerk.gif" border="0" alt="" /></a> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0962722669?ie=UTF8&tag=parentinghori-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0962722669"><img src="../files/images/PracticalParenting.gif" border="0" alt="" /></a></p> <script src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/s/link-enhancer?tag=parentinghori-20&o=1" type="text/javascript"> </script><p><noscript><br /> <img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/s/noscript?tag=parentinghori-20" alt="" /><br /> </noscript></p> </div> </div> </div> </div><!-- /middle-container --> <div style="clear:both"></div> <div id="footer"> <br /> </div><!-- /footer --> <div style="clear:both"></div> </div> <!-- /page --> </body> </html>
Tired of arguing? Actions speak louder than words. Teach them to cooperate and not to compete.