Taming The Holiday Monsters

As New York begins to spread its finery like a proud peacock in preparation for the holidays, and people bustle through the streets making private preparations for Hanukkah and Christmas, many parents watch with dismay as their loving, appreciative children are slowly transformed into greedy, insatiable monsters.

Following Hanukkah last year, I spoke with a mother and father who proclaimed vehemently "We're never giving a gift a night during Hanukkah again." It seems that as the days of Hanukkah wore on, their son became more and more demanding, beginning early each day to question "Where's my present?" He pestered his parents unmercifully throughout the holiday. I experienced a similar situation last Christmas. I watched with horror as my daughter ripped open present after present, and tossed them carelessly aside (all under the watchful eyes of my in-laws, unfortunately.) Like many parents, I was left, not full of the holiday spirit and the joy of giving, but with anger, sadness, and serious post-holiday blues.

What makes our children behave this way? How can the child who was hugging and kissing and thanking you for buying him a pack of gum last week be the same child who, today, cavalierly tossed the $200 Nintendo set you bought him aside and demanded his next gift? Furthermore, is there anything we as parents can do to prevent our children from becoming monsters? Or are we consigned to altering or eliminating our holiday traditions in hopes of minimizing our children's greediness?

Fortunately, there is an explanation for our children's behavior and there are things we can do to correct it. First of all, realize that for your child, the excitement of the holidays means that the possibilities are limitless -- and perhaps the gifts will be too! With the whole world suddenly within reach, it's understandable that your child's eyes would begin to shine with excitement, and he would begin to ask about or look forward to the next gift in an overly enthusiastic manner. Recognize, too, that most children's sense of time is distorted -- even through adolescence. It's not only hard for them to delay gratification, but hard in a purely conceptual sense to understand the timing of gifts. For many children, tomorrow is forever. Likewise, waiting until Mom or Dad opens a gift and admires it takes forever as well.

While understanding where your child is coming from is helpful, I only mean it to provide an explanation for her behavior -- not an excuse. Lack of appreciation for gifts is inexcusable as far as I'm concerned, and as parents, while we can understand why our children are behaving a certain way, we should not excuse them from behaving appropriately.

Here are a few suggestions which will make your holidays more enjoyable:

* Change the label you give the behavior. Instead of labeling your children's behavior as "greedy", call it "over enthusiastic" or "overly excited" instead. Most parents have an easier time handling an overly excited child than a "greedy" one.

* Give the holiday significance. For some, this will mean explaining the religious