School Adjustment

Summer's over, it's the beginning of October, and our children are in school. Most parents have breathed a sigh of relief, and are looking towards holiday preparations. Everyone is settled into the new routine. Or are they?

"I don't understand what's wrong with my son. He's absolutely bouncing off the walls when he gets home from school. I didn't see this behavior over the summer."

"My daughter's teacher told me she hit someone in school. She's never hit anyone in her life!"

"My son is so morose and unpleasant. What's going on?"

Within 2-4 weeks after the beginning of school, most parents expect that their children will have settled into the new routine. Thus, when confronted with unusual, boisterous, aggressive, or withdrawn behavior on the part of their children, parents are bewildered. For most children, however, 2 - 4 weeks is not enough time to successfully complete this transition. Most children need 6 - 8 weeks of transition time before they will settle down.

Invariably, when I tell this to parents of children kindergarten age and older I'm met with a response of "You've got to be kidding! My child's been in school since she was two years old. She knows what school is about. She shouldn't need this much of a transition." Yet time and again, I speak with parents whose elementary, jr. high and even high school children are having some sort of transition issues. Obviously, the age of your child will determine how transition difficulties are manifested in their behavior.

For children in preschool, kindergarten and first grade, transition difficulties may come out in aggressive, disruptive, or rude behavior. This age group may seem overly excited, or overly energized, almost as if they are bursting at the seams. It's not uncommon to hear "you can't make me," and "I hate you" pop up for kinder and first grade children as they begin to feel their new-found independence. During these years, they may also seem more sensitive during the first 8 weeks of school - crying at "nothing", pouting, or expressing anger for no apparent reason.

By second grade, and through fifth grade, the transition difficulties make take a slightly different form. Children in this age group have generally more impulse control than before, so some of the aggressive and disruptive behaviors may drop off. Some rudeness may still occur, and certainly this is the group of children who probably "bounce off the walls" when they come home after being contained in school all day. This group may also be unusually sensitive, but their feelings are more easily expressed in words, so you may hear "I hate my teacher" but not be able to discover a specific reason for this feeling.

In jr. high and high school, transition to school is often accompanied by mood swings, sullen or withdrawn behavior and sometimes rudeness. During these years, when hormones and bodies are changing, transitions can be especially challenging for child and parent alike. Remember that your children are undergoing a drastic transformation of self, attempting to answer the question "Who Am