Playground Politics
As I sat indoors this past season in some of the coldest weather we'd seen in many winters, with my children bored and irritable, full of energy with no place to expend it, I longed for the warmer days of spring and summer when I could set them loose on the playground. Now the opportunity is here, and I've breathed a sigh of relief. But as any parent can attest, the playground brings its own challenges. At times the politics on the playground rival those of the Capital in Washington. Is it o.k. for your child to play with someone else's shovel and pail if the other child isn't around? Can another child ride your child's bike if your child is playing on the jungle gym? What must the other parents be thinking about your child...he's so argumentative today? How do you handle a new friend's aggressive child when you don't want to offend the friend? These questions are tough, and each individual playground is different in its politics. In my opinion, however, the most important question is: Can you survive the politics and maintain your child's self esteem?
The playground is a place where our children's self-esteem flourishes. A place where social challenges are met, dealt with, and overcome. It is an arena where our children can thrive in the format where they function best -- play. In their play, they can try on new personas and different types of interactions and relationships under the guise of "pretend". They can stretch and challenge themselves physically, reaching just a little beyond their current capabilities. In short, the playground provides a valuable opportunity for our children to learn, to grow and to develop.
In order for our children to get the most out of their play experience, it is important that we, as adults, do not succumb to the playground politics at the expense of our children. Frequently, however, we do buckle under, because we feel embarrassed by our children's behavior, or confused about how we ourselves should behave. Sometimes we (rightly or wrongly) believe that "everyone is looking at us". When embarrassed, we have a tendency to undermine our children in front of others in order to "save face" or "explain" their (or our own) behavior. Yet when we do this, we sacrifice our children's self-esteem, and rob them of the opportunity to take full advantage of the enriching environment that the playground can provide.
Because many times we feel more affinity for other adults than we do children we often say or do things which rob our children of the excitement of childhood. Sometimes we say things in jest, as when, the other day, my daughter and I were with another mother and daughter at a street fair. The girls wanted to "win a fish". Jokingly, I said with a sarcastic tone of voice, "Oh great...a fish is just what we need to add to the two cats and two gerbils." After my daughter had won the fish) I teased her, saying "Your Dad is going to kill us when we
